Just as students were coming back to campus from a refreshing spring break and settling in to tackle the last of the semester, shocking news gripped campus, as personal communications of high-level campus administrators were leaked to the public.  

The messages in question were between several campus administrators and a variety of music artists and influencers, and appear to be related to Spring Fest, a campus festival held in the spring. One communication in particular has students in an uproar and sent shockwaves through the community.  

It appears campus administrators were in talks with famous artist and WWll history enthusiast Kanye West. Most of these messages were between Kanye, the artist formally known as Kanye, Ye, Yeezus, Yeezy, Yondy, The Graduate, Donda, and Pablo, and an anonymous campus administrator who, for the sake of protecting their identity, will be referred to as Tate Forris.  

Forris initially contacted Mr.Ye with an offer of 12.3 million dollars to perform at Spring Fest. The message reads as follows but has been altered by replacing upsetting language: “Mr. West, I am personally a huge fan! I really like your song “(Gentlemen) in Paris!” I would love for you to perform at our event. How does 12 milly sound?” Mr. Yondy then replies to this message but appears to be incoherent. 

“My (friend), I have no idea what kind of (censored) drugs you been on, but I ain’t comin’ near yo (censored) if ya’ll don’t got that higher enlightenment type, above the clouds lookin’ down, cannot see the ground, I was lost now God had me found, see through the fakes walls they be puttin’ around my face (censored) that I be on, praise God my (dear friend)!” 

Administrator Forris then attempted to reconcile the situation, saying, “Mr. Yondy, I am terribly sorry if I have offended you, as a (redacted information), I am learning and listening, and I understand the time is now for your voice to be heard.” Mr. Kan-Yeezus then made an even less coherent response than the last one.  

“LISTEN UP (female friend). I HAVE LOVE BEAMS THAT SHOOT OUT FROM MY GREATNESS DAT THE GOVERNMENT WANT TO CONTROL. YOU ARE BLIND LIKE A (respected member of society). YOU SHOULD HONOR ME. Y’ALL KNOWN I FOLLOW GOD SO YOU SHOULD FOLLOW ME LIKE FOR REAL FOLLOW ME.”  

Cellphone data that was also released showed Forris’s phone moving around erratically after this message. It appeared that Forris was indeed trying to follow the former husband of Kim Kardashian. After failing to locate him, Forris replied again asking for information on Mr. Saint Pablo’s location, who said he could not give details over the phone.  

When pressed, Mr. Donda 2, the resurYEction replied, “LOOK, IT’S A LONG STORY BUT BASICALLY, THE JE…” (the legal team who represents The Hill News, has advised that we do not publish the rest of this message). Communications between Forris and the artist formally known as Jay YE, ceased after this message.  

Another administration official contacted the controversial influencer Andrew Tate, with hopes of him making a guest appearance at Spring Fest.  

The message reads: “Hello Mr. Top G! I want to start by saying how much of a fan I am of your content. Your TikTok clips changed by life, and taking your Hustlers University classes has turned me into a Sigma male! I do have to say though, your business practice of duping young and easily misled people into giving you loads of money is kind of scummy (jk, that’s basically what we do, lol!) So, anyway, want to come to Spring Fest?” 

Mr. Tate has yet to respond, most likely on account of him being in a prison in Romania—a country renowned for its harsh prison culture and lack of internet coverage.