Established in 1911 at St. Lawrence University
Established in 1911 at St. Lawrence University

Raise in Tuition Prompts Pizza Spree with the President

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In a seemingly embarrassing turn of events, President Fox lost his good Patagonia fleece jacket at the ticker last weekend. After a long week of meetings with the board of trustees, his decision to let loose for the weekend turned disastrous.

After a night of furious dancing with Dance Ravis, he looked for his jacket in the booths only to realize it was not there: “It was a very weird Saturday night for me. I definitely busted out some moves when they played Rihanna’s ‘Work.’ Usually I stay home and prank call Jeff Rickey, but a trip to the Ticker was very regretful, especially since I lost my favorite jacket.” With the shame of losing a precious procession at a college student dance club, President Fox left the ticker into the cold night with only the large blue permanent marker mark on his hand. Soon afterward, the St. Lawrence staff and student class Facebook pages received the following post: “Hey everyone! I lost my jacket at the Ticker. It is a black Patagonia fleece. If anyone has it I would love to get it back!” A student then subsequently commented “that could literally be anyone at SLU’s jacket. Good luck finding it.” After heading to Sergi’s for a late night pizza roll, President Fox realized his wallet was also in his jacket. He finally decided it was time to walk home with any random students he could find heading back to campus down Park Street.

The next morning, he looked at his credit card account to cancel the card, only to discover that thousands of dollars worth of Sergi’s was ordered on it. As he stormed out of the house, he discovered someone had left his jacket on the front porch with a note: “Thank you for the Sergi’s. The raise in our tuition should cover it. -Sincerely, The Student Body.” When everything was going wrong for President Fox, he reached into his jacket pocket and discovered a pizza roll.

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