ear SLU Administration,

As I’m sure that you’ve noticed, we are dropping like flies. At this point, I don’t think I’ve heard anyone respond with anything but some form of “tired” when asked how they are. I don’t think you understand the mental strength and capacity you are asking from us right now. You can only say you’re tired so many days in a row until it becomes a constant state that you come to expect from each day. Believe me, I want to expect more from my days. I want to say that some days can be brighter but I’m done beating a dead horse. I’m done with the funky mantras, and desperate meditation, and struggling to fit in exercise in a last ditch effort to feel something other than the weight of each approaching new day on my shoulders. I don’t need that, close but no cigar, folks. What we needed was a freaking break.

I don’t want to lean on unhealthy coping mechanisms but remember that they are COPING MECHANISMS. In other words, the result of being in a state so mentally unbearable that crying alone in your room just doesn’t cut it anymore. It’s not something you can meditate away or remove with a brand new vegan diet. You can only say you’re tired every day for so long until you develop some of these.  Next time you start getting upset about people being dumb with covid saftey, maybe consider the idea that they aren’t dumb; they just don’t care enough about themselves or their lives to care anymore. 

I personally have heard about three separate incidents in the past month alone where students have had to leave slu in states of mental crisis to be admitted into mental institutions. This is a small community. We have all felt these losses. The ones still hanging by a thread have felt these losses. It’s something that phase 3 cannot distract us from. It’s something an asynchronous day can’t distract us from. We are in mourning. We are stretched thin. We don’t have the stamina you are looking for. But, we try and we try and we try until it just doesn’t work anymore. That’s not fair. It’s not fair because “doesn’t work anymore” for us looks like losing months of our lives to therapy or institutions to undo this damage. “doesn’t work anymore” looks like being forced to take classes in your depression room between panic attacks. “Doesn’t work anymore” looks like… nothing at all sometimes.

You say you understand but all you give us is a new phase you’re probably going to take back in a day and an asynchronous day you don’t even enforce. I understand that you’re trying- trust me I get it, but I’m gonna need you to try a little harder; to sweat a little more; so that our people can survive. Our family units are dying and we can’t afford to wait until it “doesn’t work anymore”. We can’t afford to play these games or take these risks. We can’t afford to take away something like spring break because it’s too hard to figure out. If it was so hard then why are we in phase 3 when we know it’s only going to get us sent back to phase 1 after a weekend? If it’s for a morale boost it’s a little too late for that. We need more than a weekend with friends and one day of little to no zoom to repair the damage this has incurred. Ideally, spring break would have never been taken away at all, but it’s too late for that. What we need now is a little more consideration and patience for the students who have somehow managed to last this long. Let them know that they’ve done well and that they still matter because at this point I’m starting to feel like more of a statistic than a student. Is it still your home when your family isn’t there to share it with you?

This is not the SLU I called home. 

Love, 

Soph