Established in 1911 at St. Lawrence University
Established in 1911 at St. Lawrence University

Student Exiled For Using Straw

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Hand reaches out. Fingers grasp object. Eye contact made with innocent bystander. Quick glance away. Instant shame experienced. This sequence of events occurred at St. Lawrence University in the Northstar Cafe as a student, who begged to go unnamed, reached for a plastic straw. 

An uproar in the Northstar Cafe soon followed. Fellow students rushed towards the culprit in an attempt to put an end to this insanity. Security guards were soon called to pry the straw from the offender’s hand. Sarah Strawman, a security guard from the scene, stated, “I am glad the mob of students kept things under control. Who knows what would have happened if the straw was actually used, or worse, thrown away.”

Another eyewitness, Lily Tattlester, said, “I could not believe my eyes. I am concerned for all of the marine life affected by such carelessness, so naturally I contacted the EPA right away.” The effects of careless human actions is also apparent in the fact that “over 1 million marine animals (including mammals, fish, sharks, turtles, and birds) are killed each year due to plastic debris in the ocean,” according to the Sea Turtle Conservancy.

Young, thoughtless college student, or potential killer of wholesome sea creatures? Samuel Shore, the head of the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), attempts to answer this complex question. “The EPA understands that the student is remorseful and ashamed of what transpired, but we have to do what is right for aquatic ecosystems.” Therefore, the EPA decided to take the student into custody.

Once in custody, the student was introduced to those impacted the most by the use of plastic straws: sea turtles. The introductions were composed of turtles expressing the pain and hardships that plastic straws caused in their lives. The St. Lawrence student was most touched by a young sea turtle who goes by the name Shelly. “I was resting in the reefs with family when my sister accidently swallowed a piece of plastic,” said Shelly. The young turtle then explained that her sister fell ill that night and died the next morning. Shelly explained, “we didn’t understand the dangers of plastic then.”

After they realized the potential danger posed by that singular straw, the EPA believed that the student was fit to return to St. Lawrence University. The offender came back to campus with a feeling of utter shame. “The dirty looks eventually subsided, but images of the plastic straw from the Northstar Cafe still linger in my mind,” said the anonymous student.

Hand reaches out. Fingers grasp object. Eye contact made with innocent bystander. Quick glance away. Instant gratification experienced. This sequence of events occurred at St. Lawrence University in the Northstar Cafe as the anonymous student now reached for a reusable stainless steel straw.

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