How many women must come forward with allegations against a powerful, white man in order for their accusations to be taken seriously? The fact that we even have to ask ourselves this question is something that makes me absolutely sick to my stomach.
Honestly, I am afraid. I am afraid that survivors will stop coming forward in fear that they will not be heard earnestly. I am afraid that my experiences are not going to be taken legitimately should I ever decide to press charges against my rapist. I am afraid that we are perpetuating a culture where sexual assault and violence are normalized as just another thing that happens to young people as part of our adolescence, and we are just expected to live with the outcomes.
My case is very similar to that of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford in regards that in the immediate time following my assault, I decided not to press charges against my rapist, nor do I plan on doing so in the near future. I was raped as a freshman in high school, and I have very much tried to heal in a private manner.
However, following the recent shift in the climate of our nation surrounding allegations of sexual assault and violence, I decided that I can no longer remain quiet about what has happened to me, as I have come to realize that I am not alone in sharing an account similar to so many of my peers and fellow citizens. Should I decide to come forth with these allegations, say, 30 years in the future, I am terrified that my story will be belittled and picked apart, thus devaluing my experiences and the trauma that still hangs above me.
We are living in a world where so many individuals think that their actions which degrade, humiliate and outright harm others do not have repercussions; that these actions do not leave scars on those who feel the impact; that these actions do not matter because of who they are or who they may know.
This world currently holds survivors accountable for what has happened to us – not our assailants. It is entirely upon us to ensure that we remember every single nitty-gritty detail in an event that many of us have likely tried to remove from our memories a thousand times over. If there is any gray matter in our stories, they can be delegitimized and held with little regard for the truth. You cannot tell me that my rape did not happen because I have subconsciously repressed some details of a horrific event that has massively altered my life.
The controversy surrounding accountability is evident in the Senate Judiciary Committee hearings for Brett Kavanaugh. The fact that Dr. Blasey Ford has taken and passed a lie detector test, while Kavanaugh has refused one, speaks volumes to me. Dr. Blasey Ford has been publicly ridiculed, harassed and threatened due to her decision to come forward. Turning a survivor into a meme on Twitter for a few likes or retweets is outright insulting and diminishes her experiences. Through this behavior, our society is demonstrating that the stories of survivors are not valued.
Survivors are not coming forward to simply create issues for the remainder of society to deal with. We are coming forward in hopes to create an environment where other survivors feel safe coming forth with their own stories in hopes of healing and justice. We are searching for due process to ensure that others acknowledge that this kind of behavior is unacceptable and, frankly, disgusting. Through this affirmation, we can begin to change how people are educated about sexual assault, and how we, as a society, can prevent this from happening to so many of the nation’s citizens in the future.
We must change the rhetoric of normalcy surrounding sexual assault and violence that is deeply ingrained into the culture that we live in. “Boys will be boys” is not an acceptable excuse concerning sexual interactions that have not ended positively for all individuals involved. There is simply no excuse to purposely harm another individual. How hard is it to teach our youth, and honestly everyone else for that matter, to not assault and rape?
We need to educate our nation on the importance of consensual and positive sexual interactions. By doing so, I realize that this will not completely rid our culture of the micro-aggressions and actions that perpetuate rape-culture overnight, but I believe it will begin to root out problems concerning the prevalence of it.
Furthermore, we need to emphasize the importance and courage of survivors that have come forth with accounts to be heard. I have come forward in hopes that I can help others who have had experiences like my own, as their feelings and stories are valid. In order to truly dismantle the structural rape culture in our nation, we first need to emphasize the importance and value of the accounts of those who have experienced sexual assault and violence. Giving rise to the validity of their stories creates an environment where we can truly achieve justice for those who have struggled with these issues for so long, and help eradicate notions that have stood to protect aggressors and continually reward them with positions of power within our culture.
Offer your ears to survivors. Stand with survivors. Believe survivors.