With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, it seems relevant for me to broach the subject of the depiction of “love,” and what it means to “be loved and to love in return” (Moulin Rouge fans rise up) in film and popular media. Further, just know I’m not one to deny the validity some of you may find in heteronormative romantic comedies. Watch whatever you want; who cares what I say?   

However, something I’ve found there are many different types of love, just like there are infinite types of people, (it really does take all kinds), and love shows up in different ways for everybody. Our societal conception of what love is (romantic or otherwise), and what relationships should be varies, from person to person. Everything is a social construct, yada yada yada.   

If you’re like me, and you get a little sick of seeing the same “rom-coms” resurface every Valentine’s Day, then this is the article for you. I’ve compiled a list of my favorite unconventional love films, complete with descriptions referencing the nature of the love portrayed within.   

1. True Romance (Scott, 1993) – TW: TARANTINO (he wrote the screenplay, just FYI.) Romantic love (as the title would suggest) but with undertones of mental illness and an emphasis on chaos. If you and your partner would enjoy watching the world burn together, this one’s for you. (The score is also exceptional.)  

2. The Birdcage (Nichols, 1996) – Love between two gay people, and their commitment to family values and providing for their son. One partner owns a gay club, the other is its’ star performer. Based on a French comedy play, La Cage Aux Folles. Robin Williams and Nathan Lane chew scenery.  

3. Adventureland (Mottola, 2009) – Summertime lovin’ (lovin’ in the Summertime. – Mordecai and Rigby.) Jesse Eisenburg and Kristen Stewart work at a terrible theme park over the summer and smoke a lot of weed. You already know where this is going. Probably the closest to an average rom-com on this list but still unique. Soundtrack goes hard.  

4. Moulin Rouge (Luhrmann, 2001) – Extreme camp levels present. Musical, classic Luhrmann mise-en-scene. Mostly straight relationships with queer undertones. Implicit, free sexuality – viva la Bohème. Freedom, beauty, truth, love, and Tuberculosis.   

5. Banshees of Inisherin (McDonagh, 2022) — Explores friendship and platonic love (or pure hatred? You decide).   

6. Raising Arizona (Coen, 1987) – Imagine loving your partner *so much* that, in lieu of hiring a surrogate, you steal someone’s baby (one of seven) just so you can raise a child with that person. That’s dedication, and more importantly, this film checks all of my boxes: southwestern gothic? Check. Cool undertone color grading? Check. Jail bird Nicholas Cage? Check. The Coen brothers’ classic dark comedy antics? Check.  

7. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Gondry, 2004) – TW: KAUFMAN (Charlie  

Kaufman wrote this screenplay, just FYI.) Beautiful, heartbreaking melancholia. Love,  

loss, reconciliation. Fractured imagery, scattered plot. Jim Carrey in a serious role, for once. (We all feel collectively strange about that. But he’s really selling the part, so?)   

8. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (Wright, 2010) – You all know why this is here. It’s quirky, fast-paced and engaging. Sometimes, before you can effectively love someone else, you need to learn to love yourself first. Or something like that. There are seven evil exes, and Michael Cera fights every one of them.   

9. Lost in Translation (Coppola, 2003) – A love that transcends age, physical location, social class, and Bill Murray. Scar-Jo and Bill both travel to Japan, separately – she with her boyfriend while he shoots a film, and he to act in a Whisky commercial shot in Tokyo. They both feel disconnected to their lives and find solace in each other. This one is beautiful and deserves more press – just saying.   

10. Call Me By Your Name (Guadagnino, 2018) – Gay love in Europe. It doesn’t end badly, but it doesn’t exactly work out either. Sometimes life is like that, though. This film is beautiful, and Timothée has a tender moment with a peach. Sufjan Stevens cooked writing this soundtrack.   

11. Her (Jonze, 2013) – Joaquin Phoenix falls in love with his computer. Nothing more to talk about here.