In our time of well-deserved instant gratification and immediate up-to-date news, The Hill is just not cutting it anymore. It only updates weekly, has too few writers, and who has the time to read newspapers in this economy? While it will be difficult for us to say goodbye to The Hill, it is in our best interest to push it over the edge of irrelevance sooner rather than later. In its place, I suggest a new, rapidly updated, and completely trustworthy source: Yik Yak.

Many would say that The Hill is an institution—an institution dating back to the early 1900s. They would also say it is widely read and reliable. But the people have a right to hear and speak every opinion they think of, the minute they think of it. We deserve to debate the ethics of having the first-years sleep in tents; how else can we know if it is truly right or wrong? With Yik Yak, we have the ability to make our voices heard, just as God promised in the First Amendment. Without any restraint, save the bounds of your perfunctory thinking. Yik Yak is what you, everyone else out there, and God make of it.

Another reason to free ourselves from the chains of print media is that Yik Yak offers the safety of anonymity for its readers and writers. Do you have beliefs that skew a little too far from the norm, but still want to make your voice heard? Yik Yak is right for you. Do you think that student wages should be even lower? Do you like spotty wi-fi? Do you like living in moldy dorms all while paying crushing tuition? The worry of social persecution is a thing of the past on Yik Yak. While those dearly held beliefs of yours may not be widely shared and downvoted into oblivion, it is still better than a physical newspaper, where your lovingly crafted post only gets tossed by the so-called “editors.” In turn, you get to be an arbiter of what gets seen by others in the first place – attempting to downvote a physical paper only results in a littering fine. There is no more need for us to be fed the pretensions and standards of volunteer news writers. Yik Yak gives a voice to the people, gently swaddled in the safety of emojis and your own votes.

Yes, from Yik Yak’s fortress of anonymity, we can even take action against those we may be too cowed by in real life. The five-mile radius of campus can now be fully illuminated by the glaring, strobing searchlight of truth and retribution. Even the smallest of grievances can now be aired without retaliation, against close friends, professors, and strangers alike. Downvotes, even a post’s deletion? Just write it again, and again. Yik Yak allows you. Yik Yak frees you. And there is nothing freer than someone’s opinion.

To conclude this call to action, the student body must encourage the end of The Hill News, and the widespread adoption of Yik Yak. You all, as college students, are smart enough to know that print media is an elitist and obsolete institution. The voices of the people call out to be heard, and Yik Yak has bestowed upon us the megaphone.