On Weedsday, March 31, Guv’ner Drew Guapo of New York State signed legislature declaring weed like “totally okay and fine, no worries.” The bill comes as a happy relief to thousands of students at colleges like St. Lawrence.
Seizing the opportunity, the cannabis club on campus has submitted a request for organizational status with the student government. The request opens with the statement “if Guapo does it, then it’s definitely good for us to do. He is such a role model of what a perfect Guv’ner should be.” The top dogs of the student government are rushing it through organizational request procedures, though some students have accused them of getting kickbacks from the cannabis club in the form of cookies for their meetings.
As part of their organizational status request, the cannabis club is including a budget of $420,00.00 for next year. They defended this request to the student government as being necessary to make campus a “more lit and chill place, homes.”
The cannabis club has also decided to collaborate with the Emerald House to replace the traditional spring music carnival with a new event called ‘Weed-Fest.’ The contingency has been submitted to the student government, requesting $76,448.70
This event will feature Snoop Dogg and Wiz Khalifa, who are coming to SLU to promote their respective brands of weed “Leafs by Snoop” and “RiverRock Cannabis.” Weed-Fest will take place on the back quad between the ODY Library and the Gunnison Memorial Chapel, and will be held on 4/20.
When asked how this event will adhere to Covid-19 restrictions, cannabis club spokesperson Syke Tagliardi ’21 argued that the event could actually decrease the spread of the virus. “Idk man, like, maybe if we get high enough the virus in our bodies will get high too and stop fucking everything up,” Tagliardi said. “Maybe it’ll learn how to chillax and love life.”
Some political groups on campus have pushed back against the cannabis club and its proposed event Weed-Fest, arguing that this is all part of a liberal agenda. “Marriagawanna is a gateway drug that makes people fall in love with Bernie Sanders,” spokesperson Richard Pharents claims. “Anyone who smokes it automatically becomes a communist.”
Despite these concerns, the organizational status request, budget request and contingency request are expected to pass unanimously in the student government, as is the contingency request. The meeting will take place at 7 pm on Weedsday, March 31 and end with a kahoot.
The school itself has taken steps as a result of the new bill signed, announcing that the Grab-and-Go dining locations on campus will be changed to dispensaries. In addition to the Student Activities Fee, which is built into the cost of attending St. Lawrence each year, students will now also pay a small Student ActivLITies Fee intended to offset the cost of the dispensaries.
St. Lawrence’s SWAT team has announced that they oppose the changes, both at a state and campus level. “This whole process is giving me a mid-life crisis,” the formal press release from the SWAT team reads. “If we aren’t busting students for covering their smoke detectors, what is our purpose in life?”